Blake Bouldin

Before you Exit, Part 2

Yesterday I cited an article by Dr. Dale A. Robbins where he gave 7 things worth considering before leaving a church.  I wrote about 4 of those 7 and so today I will rap it up with the remaining 3.

5. Don't leave a church because of its style or individuality.  One of the most common things that I hear from people is that they are leaving because of certain beliefs that a certain church adheres to.  In my opinion, this is a cop out.  Most people don't have a clue...and I mean this, most people don't have a clue what a certain church believes on a multitude of issues.  In fact, in most cases, when people say I don't believe the same thing a particular church believes, what they are really saying is I don't like the preaching style or worship style or...whatever style. Granted, style and preaching do matter, but those things should be considered, prayed about, and decided upon before actually joining the church in the first place. The bottom line is simply this: No two churches are alike in their personality or methods, any more than two people are alike.  Hence, to abandon a church because you don't like their style ranks very high on my list as one of the most shallow, spiritually immature things a person can do. 

6. Don't leave a church when faced with self conflict.  Unfortunately most people don't attend church to be challenged spiritually. I know that sounds crazy, but the reality is, most people attend church so that they can experience spiritual "warm fuzzies."  If you don't believe me, then just watch the drop off in attendance when a pastor starts talking about tithing or serving or any other challenging topic.  The church should be the one environment where people go where they are (1) challenged with truth and corrected when wrong.  And (2) an environment where they are held accountable for their walk with God.  Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of a friend."  When a person leaves the church because they have been challenged and encouraged to live a Christ honoring life, and then held accountable to that standard, they are making a very spiritually immature decision.

7. Don't leave a church until you have contributed in some way to try and help make it better.  I have always noticed that the most critical people in the church are the ones who do the least.  Before leaving a church make it a practice to pray for your leaders.  Make yourself available to serve.  Go to the leadership and share your heart without harsh criticism, verbal assaults, and nagging complaints.  I guarantee you will be amazed at the response you receive and the way this makes you feel.  Conversly, to stir up discord in the church is something God hates and anyone that does this shouldn't be ignored and allowed to leave on their own volition.  No, they should very kindly and lovingly be escorted out the door.

Finally, in case you are wondering if I did these last 3 blogs because people are leaving WCC, the answer is yes and no.  People are always coming in our church and the sad reality is people are always going out.  Ideally, a church should have a big "front" door and a very "small" back door.  We are working hard at creating that dynamic at WCC.  However, my intent on writing these blogs has nothing to do with people leaving WCC.  No, my intent was to help all Christ followers understand that there really is a right and wrong way to leave a local church.  My prayer is that this will help anyone who is trying to decide what to do and where to go wherever that might be. 

Adios.  I will see you tomorrow.  Happy Halloween!

Before You Exit, Part 1

Recently I read an article by Dr. Dale A. Robbins the founder of the International Prayer Network in which he listed some things to consider before leaving a church.  Much of what I write about today was taken from his article.  He suggests that there are 7 things that any Christ follower should consider before leaving a church.  Here is a partial list:

1. Don't leave a church out of your own personal discontent.  I love this one because one of the things that I find quite frequently is that there are certain people who leave one church after the other after the other.  In fact, any time that I hear of an individual that has gone to several different churches before arriving at WCC, a mental red flag goes up.  The reason for the red flag centers around the fact that in actuality, most churches aren't that much different from each other.  So, whenever a person finds dissatisfaction with a number of different churches, the problem generally isn't the churches, but rather the problem is the individual. Ones own personal discontented life is no reason to leave the church.

2. Don't leave a church because you transferred your own personal frustrations there.  The church is the only place I know where people can come in and take out their personal frustrations or problems and experience very little recourse.  I am amazed sometimes at all the anger and frustration that is demonstrated toward the church and or it's leaders based on trivial issues.  People who struggle with deep internal issues can very easily develop a very distorted view of the church and blame it for their problems when in reality the problem exist in the person.

3. Don't leave a church because your feelings got hurt.  The Bible refers to the church as the bride of Christ.  As such, it should be treated with a great degree of respect and honor.  I don't know of any relationship that someone respects and honors that during the tough times they would flee.  In covenantal relationships, priority is given to sticking with the relationship in both good times and bad.  This is the mentality we all should have with our church.  My goodness, if everyone decided to leave because they got their feelings hurt or something didn't go their way, our churches would all be empty.  Hurt feelings are probably the #1 reason people leave churches.  What is the remedy?  Deepening our roots in Christ which will inoculate us against such tenderness. 

4. Don't leave over trivial criticisms.  I have found that in church people have the uncanny knack of making huge mountains out of tiny molehills.  I have known people who have left churches because they didn't like the fact the pastor wore jeans, or because the music was too loud or too rockin or because the word sex was used from the stage during the sermon.  I mean there are literally a million trivial criticisms that people have to justify why they feel like they should leave a particular church.  Unfortunately for those who choose to leave, what they don't understand is that regardless of where you go to church, you will, without question, find similar faults again and again because, in reality, the problem isn't with the church it is with you.

I will share 3 other things to consider before leaving a church tomorrow, along with ways not to leave.  Let me close this blog with some great advice from Dr. Robbins.  He says:

"My advice to you is, if you are presently at a church that (1) is scripturally sound, (2) is reasonably stable and loving, (3) has godly, moral leadership, (4) is doing their best to exalt Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, and (5) if they're making a reasonable effort to minister to you and your family, then hang in there and remain faithful!  You don't know how blessed you are to have a church like that!" 

Is It Ever OK To Leave?

I had a dear friend call me today to make sure that I was OK that she had left WCC.  What a wonderful conversation and what a super nice thing to do.  I have learned over six years not to take it personally when people leave WCC, but sometimes it is hard.  You develop friendships and "fight the fight" together and then one day you wake up and they are gone.  I never knew before I planted a church that that was the way it worked.  I don't know why I wasn't aware that people leave.  Maybe it's because I only attended one church for the majority of my life, but I always thought people stayed at one church forever.  They don't! And really that's not all bad.  I think there actually are times when it's "OK" for people to leave.  Let me mention a few.

1. When Vision doesn't match.  Sometimes people have different perspectives on what "The Church" should be doing at a particular point in time than the church's leadership has.  Certainly whenever that happens....and it does happen, the best thing for those people to do is to find a church where they are in alignment with the vision of the leadership.  The reason for the departure here is simple: There simply can't be two visions and the vision of the leadership that God has in place is the vision that needs to be followed. I love what John Ortberg says, he says, "Great followers help create great leaders, and bad followers destroy them."  God NEVER puts people in a church to destroy their leaders.  Hence, if you can't follow...it's time to go.

2. When you are at a church for the wrong reasons.  Maybe I'll blog about this at a later date, but there are people who go to a church for ALL the wrong reasons.  For instance, when I hear people say to me, "Blake, we come here because we like your preaching."  Or "we are here because we like contemporary worship style." Or "we love the the fact that we don't have to dress up."  The way I want to respond is by saying, "Well, if you are here because you like my preaching or the worship style or anything else OTHER than the fact that you feel God is leading you here, you are here for the wrong reasons."  Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely think there are things that churches do that are attractive and that make for a very positive experience. There should be!  God expects us to give Him our very best and what we do on Sunday mornings, or at any time for that matter, should reflect excellence.  However, in the end, if the preaching or programs or aesthetics are the deciding factors in a person linking their life with a church, it won't be hard for that same person to say "adios" when those things disappoint....and they will disappoint.  Sometimes Christ followers come to a  point when they realize that they have decided to be a part of a church for ALL the wrong reasons and feel God leading them somewhere else.  When that happens, they should go. Being where God wants you is the most important factor in deciding where to attend church.

3. When your "season of service" is up. In our consumeristic culture, it is not uncommon for people to become a part of a church body and become what I call the "Proverbial Sponge."  These are the people that come about a third of the time, don't give and don't serve and yet expect the church to give them the very best of everything.  These are the people that want the "Show" and make no apologies about complaining, and ultimately leaving, if they don't get it.  However, there are those who come in to a church, roll up their sleeves and say where do you need me?  How can I help?  These type of individuals are few and far between, but boy are they needed and boy does it hurt when their "season" is up.  And by "season" what I mean is, I believe God very strategically places people in particular places at particular times to help accomplish particular tasks.  I have seen it over and over again in my six years at WCC how at particular junctures in our ministry God would send just the right person for a particular task that needed accomplishing, and when that task (or season) was complete, that person would move on.  It is never fun to lose people like that, but when they go, you can generally rest assured they are going to fulfill another role that God is calling them to.

Losing people from WCC stinks, but sometimes it's necessary. And it's not always bad. Sometimes it's what's best for the church and the individuals. Tomorrow I will blog about the right and wrong way to exit.  Don't miss it!

Spiritual Influences

I was reading a blog by J.D. Greear recently.  J.D. is a pastor in the RDU area and he was commenting about spending time with a veteran of the faith named Jim Henry.  I know Dr. Henry because he was my pastor 35 years ago in Nashville, Tennessee.  Anyway, his point was how much of an influence Dr. Henry had been in his life.  It got me thinking about the spiritual influencer's in my life.  Here are a few.

1. My Dad.  When I was growing up Roger Staubach, Terry Bradshaw, Reggie Jackson, Julius Erving were all "mega" stars in the sports world.  I can remember on many occasions my friends commenting about how when they grew up they wanted to be like "Mr. October" or "Dr. J".  Not me.  I always wanted to be like my dad.  Frankly, I am not sure why.  Dad is certainly not a big man in stature.  He, at the time I was boy, wasn't pastoring a "mega" church.  He holds no auspicious degrees.  Never the less, he was the guy I wanted to be like.  I remember as vividly as if it were yesterday listening to dad encourage me to be tough and to believe in myself.  I remember our talks at the kitchen table in the mornings as we both fought over the sports page.  I remember listening to Dad preach in church and thinking he was the best preacher I ever heard.  I remember Dad sending me letters after I moved away from home reminding me that God wanted to use me and that he had a plan for me.  As crazy as it may seem, I always believed Dad.  I am, in large part, who I am today because I had a Dad who loved me and loved God.  I often think as I raise my three boys, I hope that they think of me like I think of my Dad.  He was, and still is the biggest spiritual influence in my life.

2. Mike Poff.  Mike was my Sunday School teacher when I was in the 8th grade.  I am sure he had no way of knowing at the time, but his genuine concern for what was going on in my life had a huge impact.  I can remember Mike calling me and coming by to pick me up and taking me out to eat.  I can remember him offering words of encouragement at an age where encouragement is so needed.  Most of all I can remember Mike being a "cool" role model.  His love for God seemed so real and yet he wasn't goofy like I thought so many other adults were at the time.  To this day I still have a Bible that Mike gave me with words he wrote in the front that challenged me to live a live for Christ.

3. Ken Dibble.  Ken was my youth pastor until my junior year in high school.  Ken was a guy that was goofy...at least to me. But underneath that goofy outer layer was a heart for kids and a heart for God.  I can remember Ken pursuing me relentlessly when I just wanted to be left alone.  I can remember him showing up at South Meck to have lunch with me and while I hated it then, I look back on it today with an extreme sense of gratitude.  Ken was the type of person that when the chips were down, he was there.  His dedication to the kids in my youth group has resulted in many of those kids being in ministry today.  I am sure he probably wondered back then if he was making a difference.  Little did he know right?

As I think about the potential I have to have a spiritual influence on the people I shepherd and on my children, it humbles me.  I hope that I can be the kind of influence these men have been to me.  I am grateful for the opportunity.

An Atheist Discusses The Need For Community

Listen to an atheist discuss the importance of community. Let me know what you think!

Great Quote About The Bible

"The Bible is not primarily a manual for living, a sourcebook of sayings, a treasure of spiritual nuggets, or even a road map to heaven. It is a book that reveals to us who God is and how we can enter into and maintain a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ. Whenever we turn it into a practical means of getting somewhere other than to the feet of Jesus, we are falling for the lure of the Pharisees." John Fischer

Comforting and Disturbing...It's what I do!

I saw this cartoon today and it hit home.  I mean when I think of the job that pastors have, I now realize after 6 years, that it truly is about "comforting the disturbed" and "disturbing the comfortable".  Frankly, before I entered into ministry, even though I had seen my dad pastor for 30 years, I never understood this dichotomy.  I naively thought when I entered into ministry that what I would experience, on a frequent basis, was a group of people committed to being the catalyst for change in our world.  I thought I would experience people who really did want to be salt and light.  That just hasn't been the case.

     What I have experienced is a ton of hurting people.  I don't think the average person understands how many people are hurting in our world.  I know I didn't before I began leading the fellowship at WCC.  But it is not uncommon for me to have someone inform me that their spouse has left them or that they have a terminal or serious illness or that a child of theirs has gone off the deep end or that they have lost their job or that they are broke....on a weekly basis.  Now I know that may sound like an exaggeration, but it is not!  People are hurting on every front and one of the most significant roles I have as a pastor is to comfort the disturbed.  It is a job I feel privileged to have!!

     A less favorable role that I have had the "joy" of experiencing is "disturbing the comfortable".  I know this may sound cynical, but dog gone are there some really comfortable so called Christ followers in our world.  And the kicker is they aren't too hard to identify in spite of the fact that their modus operandi is to appear like everything is wonderful.  In other words, comfortable people don't want their lives disturbed by having to sacrifice anything and so what do they do? It's simple. They hide under the mask of contrived righteousness and an "everything is wonderful" facade which enables them to maintain the comfortable lifestyle that Jesus referred to as "lukewarm". Does that sound harsh?  Well it's beyond true, and I have found that challenging these people spiritually to REALLY do what Christ expects with their lives can be like waking a lion up from a deep sleep.  Honestly, I wouldn't say I enjoy this part of my job, but I realize that it has got to be done.

     If you would have asked me 6 years ago to define my job, "comforting the disturbed" and "disturbing the comfortable" wouldn't have even entered my mind.  Now I can't get it out of my mind! It's what I do.

This one is for Brett

Most of you that read my blog already know that I have 4 kids.  I have Brianna who is 16.  Bryson who is 15.  Brett who is 13.  And then Brad my 8 year old.  Anyway, when you have 4 kids life can be very challenging sometimes.  One of the biggest challenges Angie and I face is dealing with each one of our children's emotional needs.  Brett, has been our biggest challenge lately.

When you study birth order, one of the things they say about middle children is that they have a sense of not belonging.  They fight to receive attention from parents and others because many times they are being ignored.  Being in the middle may cause a child to feel insecure because they may have trouble finding a place in the mix.  This describes Brett to a T. 

Brett has had a hard year.  He is in 7th grade and in the 7th grade girls grow taller than boys.  To make matters worse, Brett has a short dad, me, and so in Brett's mind he wonders if he will ever grow at all.  To compound the problem further, both Brianna and Bryson, his older sister and brother have had a phenomenal year filled with many successes, and while Brett's year hasn't been a failure by any stretch, when your older sister and brother continue to be recognized it can sometimes get hard to stay happy for them.  Brett never complains though.  He just internalizes what he feels and sometimes when he and I are all alone he'll ask me questions like "Dad, do you think I will be taller than you?" or "Dad, am I as good at basketball as Bryson was when he was my age?"  or "Dad, do you think I have a shot at making the team?"  My answer to all those questions is always yes.  What else can it be? 

What I really want Brett to know is how special he is.  I want him to know that it doesn't matter how big he grows to be physically, to me he is a giant because I can see his heart.  And his heart is filled with love for people.  It's filled with kindness.  It's filled with God.  I want him to know that he has a great future ahead and that before the foundation of the world, God had uniquely chosen Brett Bouldin as one of His own to be used for His purposes.  I want him to know that no matter where he goes or what he does, he'll always have a father whose proud of him, not for anything that he's done...but for who he is.  I want him to know that I love him unconditionally and that from the very second he was born he has always been a prized jewel in my life.

Brett...I love you dude!  Hang in there!  Remember, life really is a journey and not a destination.  I hope you are as glad as I am that we are doing it together.

Dad

What are we doing?

OK...today is my brutally honest day.  It's not that I am dishonest, but sometimes I hold back.  Sometimes I fear the response I'll get if I really "say it like it is."  But here's the deal.  Lately I have been reading quite a few blogs from a variety of different pastors and 99% of them deal with "The Church" or how great their church is or how many people are coming to their church.  And while all that may be well and good, the question that I have is this.  If our purpose as pastors and Christ followers is to "seek and save lost people" why is it that we spend so much time talking about things that have absolutely no relevance to them at all.  I think about this all the time, but I wonder how many pastors in Charlotte actually even know their next door neighbors name.  I wonder how many of them have ever gone down to a public school and asked if they could tutor a child.  I wonder how many of them have ever rolled up their sleeves and served soup at a soup kitchen or volunteered to coach a little league baseball team.  I am confident that the answers to these questions would blow us away.

So what is it that we are doing as Pastors?  Let me tell you.  We're writing sermons for those who already know Christ, filled with rhetoric about how we should be interested in sharing our faith, but not demonstrating what we're espousing with our lives. Oh, and please don't tell me that going out on Wednesday night visitation to share our faith is really sharing our faith.  Planned visitations are so doggone rote and mechanical.  They're about a job, not about actually sharing our faith. Please.

We are bragging about our numbers as if they really make a difference.  I mean when I have a guy tell me that he is "running" 500 or 5000 in worship, I think 5000 what?  In other words does 5000 people mean that there are 5000 people sitting in church on Sunday who have never been exposed to the Gospel? Or does 5000 people mean that you have tons of people that have hopped over from other churches to join yours because "the show" is better at your place?  I mean think about this with me.  From 1990 to 2006 the percentage of of Americans that actually went to church dropped from 26% to 18% and that number continues to decrease.  In fact in 2050 researchers say that there will be less than 10% of Americans in church.  Paradoxically, between 1990 and 2006 the number of churches with over 5,000 members doubled.  So here is my question: How is it that there are less people going to church in the United States than ever before and yet hundreds of churches are growing into the thousands. The answer is simple.  Our churches aren't reaching lost people. The bottom line is this, if the church was reaching people who weren't going to church, the numbers wouldn't look like this.  Let's just face the facts, our churches are reaching people from other churches.....and somehow that actually makes us feel good.

We are spending way too much time defending what we're doing to the detriment of what we are trying to do.  I swear if I have one more pastor tell me that he is feeling beaten up because the people in his church are wearing him out over his chosen methodology, I think I'll go crazy! Listen, when there are people all over this city who don't have a relationship with God does it make any sense at all that Christians would spend any time debating why we play secular music or use certain vocabulary words that offend. No! So, let's get over it!  And instead of worrying about offending, be offended!  I am offended that more of us who call ourselves "Leaders" don't tell those folks who complain about everything to move on.  We have a job to do and it isn't to appease people, it's to reach the lost.

Jesus said, "How will the world know about me, unless somebody tells them?"  The answer is they won't.  And my opinion is that instead of talking and blogging and preaching about "telling" them so much...it's high time we did it. 

What is life about anyway?

Yesterday I blogged about a guy who went to Vegas to start a church and got wasted emotionally, spiritually and financially.  When I asked him what the "tipping point" was in deciding to come back to the Carolina's he told me that it was when he looked into the eyes of his wife and children and saw an emptiness there.  The emptiness was created by the void he created.  You see, in his attempt to "build" the church, he was destroying his family.

Ironically, I talked with another minister this morning that recently resigned her post.  I asked her the same question, "what was the tipping point?"  Got the same response.  "Family", she said.  "I just didn't have enough time to spend with my family."  "All my effort was spent on trying to "reach" people for Christ."  Now, maybe I am completely wrong, although I don't think so, but when a ministry, any ministry, begins to demand so much from us that it takes us away from our family, that doesn't honor God.  Now, it may build a "great" church, but at what cost?

I was thinking about this today while I was running and here is what I concluded.  When I get down to the end of my life it will be nice to have people say that "Blake Bouldin pastored a "great" church that really did "great" things in the community and helped many people come to Christ."  But, if that is what I am remembered for, and not that I was a great husband, father, and friend, those accolades really won't mean all that much.  It's similar to Jesus saying, "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and yet forfeit his own soul?"  My feeling is, "What good is it for a minister to grow a "great" ministry and yet lose his wife and children and friends in the process?"  It just doesn't add up or make sense. And, truth be told, those who allow it to happen aren't being led by the spirit of God, they are being led by an ego that they are nourishing at the expense of the most important people in their lives. And unfortunately, it happens ALL the time.

If I am totally honest, I struggle with the demands of ministry and prioritizing them above my family continually.  I think thoughts like, "When we have this many members then I will be content" or "When we finally have a building we can call our own, then I will feel satisfied".  And even though, I know, neither of those two statements are true, so often I will act like they are, when what I really need to do is to realize that there will always be more challenges and hills to climb.  You know what really satisfies me?  I feel so satisfied when my wife or children think that I am being a good father and husband.  Today, my youngest, Brad, told me I was his hero. In fact, he even did a poster about me and took it to school.  His final remarks to me when he got out of the car this morning were "Dad, when I grow up, I want to be just like you." Dang that felt good. I hope he always feels that way.  Humanly speaking, nothing could be a greater compliment than that.  Will this mentality make me one of America's top 10 Preachers or put our church in Mega church status? I don't know...and you know what?  I don't care! Because to me..... that's not what life is about anyway.