This weekend we will continue our series we're calling "e-family". Last week Mark Patterson preached a great message about the "blessing" of the family. This week, I will be speaking about the foundational building blocks of a healthy marriage. I found it interesting that as the staff and I began to discuss what we thought those healthy building blocks were, communication or the lack of communication was the number one reason discussed as to why marriages fail. While I think communication is very big, I am not so sure communication is the number 1 culprit for so many failing marriages. Let me give you some other reasons that marriages struggle that I think are equally as significant.
1. You think that the other person will make you happy or better yet is supposed to make you happy. This simply isn't true. If you are looking for your happiness quotient to be met by your spouse, eventually they are going to let you down. Here is a better approach to relationships: Instead of wanting someone else to make you happy, choose to have peace and happiness within yourself.
2. You are focused on what you can get out of the relationship and what it and the other person can do for you. The Bible says this about love. "Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly of the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trust God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end." (I Corinthians 13:4-7 TM) Love and happiness comes when you put aside your own needs and focus on what you can do to please the other person.
3. You seek to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be. Seeking to change the other person to suit your needs and make them who you want them to be seem like a good idea until you try. That's when you realize that you can't change other people. No, the only person you can change is yourself...your thoughts, your feelings, your actions.
4. You blame the other person for everything that is going wrong in the relationship. Here is a great quote I read recently that speaks to this issue. "You can blame others for your unhappiness or you can be happy." Blaming our spouses instead of taking responsibility ourselves always leads to frustration. Life is much better and easier when we take responsibility in the relationship.
5. You take your spouse for granted. Try looking at your spouse as a blessing or a gift from God. When seen from this perspective, your relationship will look completely different and both you and your spouse will enjoy this new view!
This Sunday we will have a whole lot more to discuss about our marriages. If you or someone you know is looking to enhance the quality of their marriage relationship come this weekend and join us as I discuss the topic, Building A Healthy Marriage: "What Makes A Marriage Last".
Blake
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