Wow! Writing the word "foreplay" was difficult for me. I mean sex is such a provocative thing. It is crazy that we can be inundated with references about it 24/7 in our culture, but for Christ followers to discuss it in a very open and candid way seems taboo. It shouldn't! Yesterday I said that today I would begin blogging about some of the most common myths that surround the issue of sex. The first myth is this:
Myth #1: Foreplay Occurs Just Before Sex
Most of you already know that the term "foreplay" refers to actions that occur before sex actually takes place. That's not difficult to figure out. The debate, however, occurs over how long before sex the "before play" takes place and whether or not sex always has to take place after "before play"?
From the male perspective, the answer to these questions are easy. Men are both biologically and visually stimulated which means that a whole lot of foreplay isn't necessary to get them revved up. I guarantee you that all the wives that read this blog know that already! However, just because women know this about their husbands doesn't mean they like it. In fact, the thought that becoming sexually aroused has more to do with how a women looks rather than with her as a person, many times, leads a wife to feel very frustrated. It can also lead to a deep seeded feeling of inadequacy if the woman doesn't feel as good about her body as she did when she was 21. The end result is her frustration leads to his frustration and conflict arises.
So what's a couple to do? Well, at the risk of sounding overly simplistic, let me make a suggestion. Men, in particular, would do good to realize that sex should come in this order: Love and then make love. Let me explain. One of the things that I have realized in over 20 years of being married is that my wife appreciates it when I come through the door in the evening and give her a "no strings attached" hug. She also likes it when I take the initiative to set up dinner for my 4 kids and then proceed to take her out to dinner where it's just the two of us. The icing on the cake, though, occurs when we come home and I rub her back or feet and then encourage her to go to bed without me because I know she's tired. Now initially this approach, if I am being totally honest, doesn't always produce the end result that "I" want. But later on, I have found that it pays huge dividends.
You see, clearly, there is a huge difference in the way a husband and wife approach the issue of foreplay. Men are biologically wired and women are relationally wired. In other words, foreplay for the woman isn't what the man does immediately before sex, but rather it's the way her man loves her prior to the physical act. When a woman feels like she is loved for who she is and what she does rather than what she will do for her husband at 11:00 PM, that is what gets her motivated and excited to make love. Realistically, there has to be some give and take from both sides, but the bottom line is this... the idea that "Foreplay occurs just before sex" simply isn't true.
Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog where I will discuss a common myth about affairs. You won't want to miss it.
Have a great day!!
Blake
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